ah memories

1991 rocked. need proof?

(can you tell it's also

the year i started taking dance classes?)

Unbelievable - EMF

Set Adrift On Memory Bliss - PM Dawn

...R...

on garlic and dentists

my very first dentist was named dr. blessing, and he really was a great dentist. after the first visit, preceded of course with the ritualistic stories of giant needles and huge drills meant to drill deep into my teeth, i never was afraid to go see him. since him i have been to many dentists some good and way too expensive some affordable and not so great. currently (since i have insurance and can go to a decent one) i'm going to a dentist named dr. voltz who seems to be a perfectionist and very detail oriented which is what a person looks for in someone who is sticking a drill inside their mouth. however he is a little odd, for instance when he wants me to stick my tongue out he says "ok now can you stick your lil tongue out?" making it hard for me not to laugh at him while trying to keep my mouth open and my tongue out, also as he works he tells me what a good job i'm doing, as if i should win some award for sitting there perfectly still while he does all the work...so today i went in to fix a broken filling, i knew i had an appointment, but at lunch time i decided it would be a good idea to have some salsa with a ton of garlic in it. it was really good. i got almost done eating and realized that later that day i would be sitting in a chair, mouth gaping, people hovering right above me unable to avoid the smell. so i bought some coffee and chewed as much gum as i could, to cover it up as much as possible...they moved my appointment up two hours...and it didn't work. i realized that they were working as far away from my face as they could get without getting so far away that they couldn't see and they kept telling me to turn away further so i was more at an angle, and i don't think it was so they could see a different part of my tooth. the nurses there are all really sweet too, they didn't say anything. but here is how i imagine the conversation went after i left.

nurse#1: (looking at nurse #2 with big eyes eyebrows raised) Wow.

nurse#2: (with shocked expression hand covering mouth) seriously, what kind of a jerk eats that much garlic right before a dentist appointment.

nurse#3: (shaking head) i mean did we miss a clove hidden under her tongue or something,

how is it even possible that it was THAT strong.

nurse #2: (spraying air freshener and lighting a candle) thanks a lot for making her turn

towards me the whole time i almost passed out...thank goodness i was chewing gum

that at least kept me from gagging.

nurse #3:(opening window and sticking her head out) well what was i suppose to do i was

tearing up and i was the one doing all the work, lets mark her file so we know to get

one of the other nurses to work on her. we can go to lunch or something and hand her

off to some other poor unsuspecting soul. i just don't understand it...does she think

we're vampires or what?

L.

13,000 and holding

From here

no lines are drawn

From here

no lands are owned

13,000 and holding

swallowed in the purring

of her engines

tracking the Beacon here

"Is there a Signal

there on the other side"

On the other side?

What do you mean side of what things?

and you said

and you did

and you said

you would find me here

and you said

you would find me

even in Death

and you said

and you said

you'd find me

But I can't see New York

As I'm circling down

through white cloud

Falling out and I know

his lips are warm

but I can't seem to find

my way out

my way out

of this hunting ground

L.

darkness, my old friend

i used to be afraid of the dark. as most children are, terrified of what might be lurking in the shadows waiting to chase me up the basement stairs of my childhood home or jump out from under my bed just as the lights went off. i grew up in a religious environment so my monsters took on the characteristics of demons and fallen angels. when it's eternal life at stake, those demons can be scarier than the average ghoul in the closet. i'm not a child anymore. at some point i stopped being afraid of the dark, instead embracing it for its beauty and mystery. don't get me wrong, i still wake up from routine nightmares wishing it were light again so my racing heart would slow and my brain calm enough for me to sleep again. aside from this, darkness doesn't scare me anymore. sometimes its only in the dark, as your eyes adjust completely, that you can finally see clearly into the darkest parts of your heart...

...R...

Good Advice

...R...

wwbbd

what i want to know is when did the olympics decide it would be a good idea to play a million events at once so instead of just watching the figure skating i have to watch luge, some sort of snowboard racing, interviews with all these athletes and an equal amount of commercials to actual show. i suppose they must be in cahoots with tivo, don't get me wrong, i have a dvr and i hate commercials so much that i will routinely try to fast forward live television and when i realize its live i will set the show to record and watch it later just to miss the commercials. so i love my dvr, right now its faithfully recording lost so i can watch it tomorrow probably without commercials. i do not love however that shows like the olympics say they are on when they aren't making it hard to record and then they go ahead and jump all over the place never letting me see who wins until i either lose interest and change the channel or get too tired to wait and go to bed. i have yet to see any medal ceremonies and its not looking promising. i guess i mostly watch it for sentimental reasons anyways, its not like i like any sort of sports but i have so many memories of watching mark hammil do back flips and brian boitano spin with his hand in the air and even though its sort of missing the drama of the nancy kerrigan days its like a little piece of home. so if the luge and snowboarding racers would just get their own time slot instead of invading the figure skating i would really appreciate it. come on olympics producers, just ask yourself, what would brian boitano do?

L.

Happy S.A.D. (singles awareness day)

valentine's day has never been my favorite holiday of the year. it's somewhere below easter and st. patrick's day and hovers just above columbus day and hanukkah (and that's only because i'm not jewish so really i wonder if it counts on my own personal holiday list). i don't actually even mind valentine's day itself. what i do mind is the days leading up to it when i am bombarded with pink and red candy everything in every store i step into. this year i think the decorations for valentine's went up on january first ( in case you wonder which holiday is next, just visit your local retailer today because i'm betting four leaf clovers abound and a few bunny rabbits are already sniffing around the aisles). but, back to the holiday at hand...like i said, i have never cared too much about v-day but this year it just seemed like love was mocking me, rubbing my singleness in a little bit if you will. people were falling in love left and right. it was like an epidemic and i never get sick.

dear cupid,

i seem to have an arrow or two lodged in my heart with your name on them. if you would like to kindly come and retrieve them i would be most grateful. it was a nice try but you're aim must have been a little off this year. next year let's just stick to shooting conversation hearts okay?

p.s.

you're not really a baby anymore. put some clothes on.

xoxo

R

spring rain

Singin` in the Rain (1952) Photos

its raining today, but its not just any rain. the ground is no longer frozen. the grass is starting to grow. the trees are starting to get little buds on them and yesterday morning one of my neighbors was even running their wind machines. most people hate the wind machines but i love them for three reasons. 1. they are like a giant fan and for those of you who need a fan to sleep you know why this is a good thing. 2. they remind me that spring is so oh so close. and 3. when they are all running together it looks like the whole field could take off for the clouds at any moment which makes me feel a little like when i was little and still believed in magic...but back to the rain, today its special because since the ground isn't frozen their is a musty, earthy smell that can only be described as the beginning of spring. which means winter is ending early this year. which makes me want to go outside and swing around a light pole and dance in puddles with my umbrella. their are even birds singing so apparently i'm not the only one.

Let the stormy clouds chase

Everyone from the place

Come on with the rain
I've a smile on my face
I walk down the lane
With a happy refrain
Just singin',
Singin' in the rain

L.

randomness

random things for today:

valentine's day is coming in case you hadn't been notified by your local retailer.

some people hate cover songs but i've found that a true test of a song is if its equally moving when sung by someone other than the original artist. today i couldn't stop listening to a cover of "Who's Gonna Ride Your Wild Horses" originally by U2. if ever there was a song i wish had been written about me, this is it.

there are days when i want to just drive and listen to music. today was a day like that. i could have filled up the gas tank and driven until the sun set. i showed up for work instead. lucky for me i may have the best job in the world.

texting has saved many relationships for strange girls like myself who abhor talking on the phone. on the other hand, its ruined many relationships too now that i think about it. my sarcasm can be hard to read via text.

people are strange. i can say that because i'm one of the strangest ones.

i've been torn lately about whether or not to give money to the cardboard sign holders... thoughts?

if i don't figure out what my next tattoo is going to be soon i'm going to go crazy. why do i have to be a Libra??

that's all.

...R...

a day in pictures

...R...

question of the day

when i go to a restaurant i go in hoping that i will be lucky enough to be given a booth to sit in even though there is only two of us. the chairs that they have at their normal tables are pretty much the most uncomfortable things ever made and i would almost rather eat standing up or sitting on the ground. they always have the tables super close to each other so your pretty much eating with complete strangers whereas the booths are sort of off in their own private area...as much as they can be in a crowded room anyways. so my question is, when the waiter comes too seat us and they start leading us too the tables and i look frantically to see if there are even any booths open in the direction we are going, why oh why do they always turn around with a sorrowful, apologetic look and say with a worried tone "is a booth ok?" or sometimes even giving me the choice asking if i would prefer a booth or a table always looking a little shocked with i say immediately and forcefully "a booth please!" is there really people out there that prefer the hard rigid chairs to the semi-couch of the booth? or maybe waiters are just a strange breed of people that prefer the chairs themselves? i did wait tables for a little while and i have to say it had no affect on my ability to discern whether a chair was comfortable or not. so no wait staff of america, i don't want to sit in a hard chair if a booth is available, and if the restaurant is empty i'm going to ask for a booth if you try to give me a table. also i don't want to sleep on concrete, eat moldy food, or get locked in your walk in freezer and i would prefer to not have pins stuck under my fingernails...but thanks for asking

L.

And now I know

Spanish harlem are not just pretty words to say

I thought I knew

But now I know that rose trees never grow in new york city

Until youve seen this trash can dream come true

You stand at the edge while people run you through

And I thank the lord there's people out there like you

I thank the lord there's people out there like you

While mona lisas and mad hatters

Sons of bankers, sons of lawyers

Turn around and say good morning to the night

For unless they see the sky

But they can't and that is why

They know not if it's dark outside or light

(Mona Lisas and Mad Hatters - Elton John)

i took this picture a few days ago on my way into work. usually i'm keeping my head down and thinking about what needs to be done once i get there. i glanced up momentarily and saw this hot air balloon floating in the haze of the setting sun above all the shoppers. the people below rushing around, as i had been, paying no attention to the beautiful things happening all around them if only they could stop and raise their eyes to the sky...

...R...

where are the movies?

at the library today i had a brief conversation with an elderly lady in the music section that went something like this:

her: excuse me are these the movies?

me: um no sorry these are the c.d.'s

her: what are c.d.'s?

me: well, they have music on them...

her: oh oh well where are the movies?

it must be said: i really just don't want to get old. i don't. sorry all you wonderful people in your 30's who say "hey your 30's are so much better than your 20's!" and all you sincere folks who say "oh just wait for your 40's, it's truly the best time in your life!" and also so sorry to all you genuinely good hearted friends who tell me "your 50's are really when you know yourself and enjoy life the most!". strangely i've never had anyone in their 60's, 70's or 80's tell me anything of the kind...just sayin. i want to always know where the movies are.

...R...

thanks facebook

i don't get asked too often these days how old i am. its not like i'm counting the days on a regular basis anymore either, so thanks facebook for pilfering the info from my profile to remind me how old i am in the form of ads meant only for 27 year olds that have to be clicked on in the next 6 minutes. the very same 6 minutes every 6 minutes. the only problem now is apparently they think i live in portland and they want to help me live there nearly for free. with all these free coupons they are begging me to take i guess i should just move there. or something.

L.

2 p.m.on a tuesday

...crazy lady at the bar is yelling a story at me across the store about how the other day she drank red wine and then had a skinny margarita and doesnt know why she was SOOOOO sick all that night...."i mean five glasses of wine, she says, is usually no problem for me so i think it was just the combination of different drinks...i had red wine again the next day so i know it wasn't the wine that did it"...

...R...

if you see my creativity tell it to come home

i would say that i have a healthy amount of creativity. when i looked at something handmade i can usually say that i could probably figure out how to make it for cheaper. i'm too lazy to make it for cheaper but still...i could. i am not some amazing poet but i've been known to write some decent poetry and even the occasional story. even after learning to play an instrument finally i was able to create the occasional song. so when my guitar teacher gives me the chords to house of the rising sun and tells me to do my own thing with it and make it different somehow does my brain freeze. it wasn't like i had to do it then, i could understand that since being put on the spot pretty much reduces me to a three year old with a mouthful of candy and all i can do is stare blankly in complete terror that my body will betray me and do something horribly horribly wrong. no it was just something to work on, something to come back with next week. so now here i am on the computer averting my eyes away from my guitar trying not to think about it. maybe if i don't think about it something will occur to me. maybe if i rip that page out of my notebook he'll forget. maybe i just don't want to do my own thing, or maybe i don't want to do my own version of someone else's thing. maybe my creativity will make an appearance this week and i won't look like a complete idiot.

L.