goodnight another bad morning

it's a strange thing to envy other people's dreams. i remember being 12 years old, hanging out with my friends and listening as they reported their recent dreams...kissing boys, going shopping, laying on the beach in some tropical wonderland. i kept my mouth shut. i usually don't like to report what goes on in my head when i finally drift off to sleep. there's no reason for people to think i'm crazier than i they already suspect i might be right? well, it's time to give a brief glimpse into where my mind goes when i sleep. for the last few weeks i've been plagued by a wrestling match between my insomnia and my nightmares. the nightmares are winning.

nightmare #10,953

i find myself house sitting for my grandma in my hometown. this two bedroom house is given an immense dark and cluttered attic in this nightmare. two small children have been left in my care, a girl and a boy. the spare bedroom door is opened by one of them and i look in to see a bed stripped of its sheets. one side of it is covered in blood as is the carpet near the door. i realize in my dream that this room has yet to be cleaned up after the death of a woman. (i say "a woman" because it became different people throughout my dream and i'd rather not name names. it's disturbing enough as it is without telling you who it was). it becomes my constant concern that the door remain closed at all times and i frantically try to think of ways to get it cleaned up before my grandma and rest of my family comes home and is reminded of the death that occurred in that bedroom. the two mischievous children refuse to leave the door alone no matter what i do...i'm continually shutting the door to the bloody mess over and over again. it's not just the blood that bothers me but the death was just as upsetting to me as to the rest of the family and yet i'm the one there trying to hide it. i decide to make the children take a nap but they have none of it no matter how hard i try. they run up to the attic and get into all the old things that are laying around. soon my family gets there and i'm still doing the same thing before i wake from the nightmare...i keep shutting the door over and over to hide the blood.

so there you have it, one of many nightmares i've had in the last few days. that same night i had one about a woman murdered by two men in a bank and then being held hostage by those men...but we won't go there. last night i dreamt about running through a field as bombs fell all around me from a hazy sky...we won't go there either. you might see why my usual retort to someone saying "sweet dreams" is "i wish".

...R...

Goodnight Another Bad Morning - The Kills