what not to pack

last weekend i took a flight to seattle. i've had my bags looked through plenty of times and its never been a big deal, but this time was a little different. so here's how it goes. i packed the bare minimum and didn't check anything so could check in online, got to the tiny airport in yakima (not even a gift shop here, so really as small as they get) and sat in the waiting area because apparently its such a small airport they open security about 30 minutes before boarding. while i was waiting i was sitting behind two old lady's talking about weird things like how cheese would be a good snack to take on a flight but "the thing about cheese is if you don't have a refrigerator your screwed" followed immediately by quilting patterns and which ones they were working on etc... finally security opened and i headed through. confident that i would have no problems because i looked through my bag multiple times for anything that they might want to stop me for. as i put my bag in the little bucket thing i slammed it into the head of the guy behind me who was leaning over to pick up his bag. i apologized profusely and he mostly ignored me and the probable bruise forming on his head (people act strange at airports). things went downhill from there. after making it through the line picking up my shoes and purse i was pulled aside so they could look through my bag. of course i thought, why wouldn't they want to look through my mostly empty bag. still, she was being nice about it and its not like the plane was waiting for me so i stood there calmly as she pulled out half the contents and went to run them separately, nope not that time, still in the bag. she came back and looked through the pockets a second time and pulled out everything but my underwear and ran that stuff separately, nope not that time either. she came back and said hmm i just don't see it anywhere it looks like a little, well no i won't say, then she proceeded to look through the pockets a third time. at this point i'm only half paying attention thinking she'll lose interest and say its fine soon. mostly i'm spacing off out the window watching for the plane to arrive and only glancing at her every so often. finally she checks the pockets one more time and pulls out, no not nail clippers the only thing i could think of that might have gotten lost in there somewhere, but a bullet. i gasped and turned beet red and said something like "what the! how? wow, i don't know how i could have possibly missed that or how it got in there but you can throw it away i don't need it" she just kind of smiled and said we can't just throw these kinds of things away (of course, yes i know you can't throw bullets away its not lipgloss for crying out loud) we'll just have to fill out some paperwork and ask you some questions. luckily this is yakima not seattle and they are always really nice there. a cop and two security officers came over took my license and asked me if i had guns (no my husband does) what does he use them for (recreational only) things along this line and also asked if my information on my license was current three times. they filled out a report and took a picture of it next to the bullet and my license (exhibit a). the cop officially announced that he was taking possession of the round and then went to check my criminal history, which apparently was clean. or it was anyway, now i will most likely never get through security quickly again and i may start checking everything just to avoid the stupid scanners. as for how the bullet got there, i'm not sure. there was an open box in the area that i usually keep the bag so maybe one fell in but otherwise it really had no way of getting there. after all that i had to go sit and wait to board with my fellow passengers who i'm sure were very intent on watching the whole thing since there wasn't exactly anything else to do in the tiny terminal. at least the poor man who got smacked with the offending bag got a little satisfaction. now when people ask him what happened to his head he can just smile slyly and say "it was worth it"

L.