EARS!

i tackled a new project this last Christmas..tiny crocheted earrings. i was pleased with the way they turned out and plan on making more this year. my model makes them look even prettier (thanks steph).

...r...

daily craft

time to send thanks for all sorts of wonderful christmas gifts. why buy cards when i have everything i need here at home to make some cute little handmade ones? i decided to use the blank side of the paper for the outside so that when the recipient opens the card they'll be all "wowza"...or maybe they'll be like "hmmmm"....i might get a little "awe cute" even.

...r...

note to self

you've been a dreamer your whole life

labeling everything as out of reach

putting wishes in little boxes of hope

looking ahead to "someday"

someday is today

...r...

high resolution

the new year

stretching out ahead

a curious cat

with claws

resolutions

set in sand and water

a blueprint

of fuzzy lines

...r...

letter to one landlord in particular

So you've decided to move someone else into our house and give us not enough notice and not even written. fine, i'll find somewhere else to move in a place where their seems to be no good rentals in our price range. I'll stress about it for over a month, packing on my weekends and obsessively checking the listings hoping that maybe this time their will be that perfect place. When it comes down too it, i'll settle for a place out of our price range in an area that i don't really want to live who's owners standard for "clean and ready to move into" are quite a bit lower than mine. When miracle of miracles they have another place that is really nice and in the country and i get actually a little excited about moving i'll start packing the essentials and nervously wait for these people who are obviously not good landlords to finally answer their phones to give us the key. I'll rent a uhaul, buy uhaul boxes, and pack up half my house including my entire kitchen food and all and load it into said uhaul ready to move to the new (dirty and out of our price range, but nice) house.

so, really? really you wait until half of my house is in a uhaul in the parking lot to call and say "oh by the way that deal fell through and you can stay if you want"? can i just tell you how much i hate you right now. You say you "realized your mistake but just didn't think to tell us because you were so busy", well that is b.s., and if it wasn't for the fact that i needed that money that we would be spending on this house to get myself out of this town i would not even give it half a thought and i'd be cleaning that dirty house right now to move into. Congratulations you are officially my least favorite person, and if i kept a list of people to get revenge on sometime in my life, you would be moving straight to the top.

P.S. i've had a cat inside for about two months now and as well behaved as he is i hope when i finally do move out you find "little presents" from him all over the place down stairs in corners that i have no intention of cleaning.

L.

house hunting (a letter to landlords)

Dear Landlords,

Why do you go through all the trouble of fencing in your "huge", and "beautiful" backyards if you don't allow pets in to enjoy them. I mean, what exactly are you trying to keep in if not a future renters dog? Do you think that maybe the renters will start running willy nilly through the neighborhood crapping in other people's yards and digging up other peoples prized flower beds? Are you afraid that the renters will go insane once forced to live in yet another overpriced house they don't own and might just start chasing cars and unfortunate mailmen who happen to get too close to their unfenced yard? I don't quite understand your reasoning here since if they had gone that crazy, you would most likely have more to worry about inside your property than outside. Maybe you think that if you don't provide them with a barrier they might start wandering aimlessly through the neighborhood, looking in windows and begging at back doors. The rent you seem to expect for your tiny house actually makes this the most likely reasoning...you are aware of the pay rates of the area you live in right?

Some of you have houses out in the country, in the middle of nowhere to be exact, and still refuse to allow pets. Let me be the first to be honest with you about your rental house. Its ancient. Its in the middle of a field. Its probably been owned by ten other people who allowed pets before you got it and put your precious (cheapest carpet available) in and refused any more pets to set a paw inside and then outside too just to be sure. You charge way more than the overpriced places in town because places in the country are hard to find, but people who live in the country want to have pets. People with pets are willing to pay a pet deposit to take care of your cheap carpet when they leave if anything happens to it and since their are no neighbors, and most likely you have a fenced yard (see above) there isn't much outside they could get into.

Now dear landlords, look around your own house. Do you have a fence? With pets in them? Do you think its impossible for anyone else to have a pet such as your own that will live happily inside that fence without causing so much damage that no one would ever want to live their again? i don't think so. maybe you should meet the pets before assuming they are terrors that can only cause utter destruction...too much to ask? fine charge a pet fee, thats what people do when they allow pets and guess what they still have a house and a yard afterwards along with however much they ask for to repair any damage the pet might do...so unless the pet has thumbs and can start a fire...i think your good.

-sincerely

the girl that is sick of seeing your stupid ads and doesn't want to rent from a control freak like you anyway.

L.

napoleons suicides

once apon a time there was a suicidal dog named napoleon. napoleon was a bassett hound with droopy eyes and ears and short little determined legs that made him gallop like a bucking bronco when he ran. he was not an unhappy dog, he had friends, water, food, and an unlimited amount of sunshine and playing time. he grew up in a happy family where he was loved and spent most of his puppyhood being spoiled and sleeping inside where he was not suppose to be. when he got old enough and became to rambunctious to sneak inside he was moved outside to a dog run. now, napoleon thought himself quite the explorer, any chance he got he took of for the closest neighbors field and all the scents and smells that might be there getting himself quite lost in the process. because of this bad habit his humans could not let him run free like all the other dogs. so one day napoleon decided death was the answer. he found the nearest object which happened to be a basketball hoop and wrapped himself around it until he couldn't breathe. at this point he began to realize death was not as painless as he imagined. perhaps death wasn't all it was cut out to be.

its quite possible the grey cat named rusty is the one who planted this idea in napoleons head. rusty is a devious cunning cat with claws that no reasonable animal would mess with more than once every few hours (animals having no real long term memory when it comes to these things). rusty had a habit too, that habit was pretending to be friends with other animals and then leading them to their deaths getting him more sympathy and attention from his clueless humans. its a nasty habit, but very successful. napoleon was to be his first canine victim but he was such a trusting easily fooled creature rusty was sure he would be dead quite soon.

napoleon sat there, the air coming so slowly, his vision blurring, until his human (noticing the uncommon quiet, the lack of howling and barking) saw what was going on and freed him from certain strangulation. at this point napoleon found that death was not the answer. in fact, strangulation was the answer. it was the answer to getting attention whenever he wanted it (since the howling and whining obviously wasn't working). so when the pole was moved for his safety he found a yard tool, and after that a piece of board nearby, until there was nothing within his reach but his water pail and his own cord. napoleon howled and howled, he was stumped. he knew there must be a way, and he knew just who to ask.

rusty sauntered slowly by, tail brushing just under napoleons nose just daring him to sniff and get slashed, and he might have if he hadn't been so deep in thought. "rusty" he said, "i want more attention but they've moved everything away from me, what can i do?" rusty sat down and began licking his left paw, "napoleon, i hardly care what you do with your spare time, but since i am about to take a nap in the sun while i wait for my dinner and i don't want to listen to your horrible noise, i will help you" rusty looked around a moment and said "there are things that can't be moved here my smelly little friend, perhaps you should be a little more creative". napoleon looked around and saw just what rusty was referring too. with a little guidance from his "friend" rusty, he soon found many things that couldn't be moved at all.

the phone wire attached to the house was the most difficult with so little space for him to squeeze through, but he did it. he slithered under and over it and was stuck just in time for the sprinklers to come on. this wasn't the plan, he cried and howled like he was being attacked by something lethal, and was soon rescued. he did this many times until the way was barricaded. he was stumped for awhile, only able to tangle his own cord in frustration, but again rusty gave him some well placed hints and he saw the pole that was attached to the house. very unmoveable, very dangerous since it was next to some stairs and they made a drop off, one misstep and he would hang himself. napoleon was not named napoleon because he gave up easily. napoleon knew a devious cat that had his own interests at heart to give him some ideas on how to make it around. he found a way around the pole again and again and soon he was trapped. he cried out in triumph. move this he thought. he hadn't hung himself (much to rustys dismay who had thought he certainly had him this time) he had won, and from that day forward anytime he was lonely he had only to attempt suicide and out his favorite friend of all would come, very angry, but there all the same with his thumbs to save him.

the end